The challenge is balancing helping versus enabling. You may find yourself weighing the guilt of not helping in their times of desperation against the guilt of enabling them to continue their inward and outward destruction. We may experience widely varying emotions regarding the situation. One set of emotions leads us to cut off the addict in anger and frustration, and the other set leads us to avoid confrontations in fear of pushing a loved one away. When you love an addict all sorts of boundaries and conventions get blurred. Helping takes into account the long-term effects, benefits and consequences.
He will have an army of people behind him and beside him when he makes the decision, but until then, I and others who love him are powerless. I realised a while ago that I couldn’t ride in the passenger seat with someone at the wheel who was on such a relentless path to self-destruction. It’s taken many years, a lot of sadness, and a lot of collateral damage to people, relationships and lives outside of his. The purpose of this website is to provide health education resources and education. It is not intended to provide medical advice, which should be obtained directly from your healthcare provider. The material references offered solely in an educational context. These kinds of actions on your part will not help your loved one in the long run.
Self-destructive Behavior in Relationships
It can get in the way of building resilience, self-belief, and the capacity for brave. Next day, next week, next month they might handle that discomfort for a minute longer than last time. These are the weight lifting experiences that slowly and surely strengthen their resiliency muscles. These are the experiences that show them that the discomfort of anxiety is no reflection at all of how capable they are and how brave they can be.
Think of addiction as a disease… but a very curable disease. The most important thing is that you keep yourself safe. Do what you need to do to protect your physical and emotional well-being. Remember, one of the best things you can do for an addict is to let them hit rock bottom. So, if they refuse treatment, the next most helpful thing you can do is leave them alone to figure it out themselves.
In Network Providers
And if your partner is not using drugs, they could become offended. If you are unsure about approaching the substance abuse subject with your partner, an addiction counselor can help guide you in the right direction. In fact, you may not even know that your partner has a drug abuse or alcohol abuse problem. Drug addicts are conniving and are very good at hiding their addiction.
For example, you might be keeping the “drama” going by lending money to your addicted loved one. Or perhaps you are always willing to be there to listen when they tell you all about the problems they are encountering as consequences of their addictive behaviors. The only person you have any control over is yourself. You do not have control over anything the addicted person does.
Loving a Drug Addict: Do People With Addiction Love Back?
Codependency defines a relationship in which one partner has extreme physical or emotional needs , and their partner who spends most of their time caring for those needs. Being in a relationship with an addict and manifesting codependency, one will find themselves suffering from caring for their addict partner. A codependent relationship can make it easier for the addict to keep using without the threat of losing their loved one. Loved ones can learn how to be in a relationship with an addict by acknowledging the persons addiction, setting boundaries, empowering yourself, and building your network of support.
- This is what it’s like to be in love with an addict.
- Remember, you’re not failing because you decide to cut the addict out of your life.
- I am not sure if maybe I over stepped by calling then when I was in pain and when he continued to lie etc but I felt I had no one else to turn too.
- Understand that you are not to blame for the addiction.
- They exploit the partner, using them for a source of attention, ego-boosting, servitude, and more.
She is a best selling author and recovering drug addict. Check out her website, or you can follow her onFacebook orInstagram.
Types of Love Addiction Dynamics
With the right help, they can restore damaged relationships and fully enjoy their loved ones. By contacting our 24/7 help line we can help you explore options for substance abuse treatment and dual diagnosis counseling. AspenRidge Recovery offers treatment for addiction and co-occurring mental health. As Dr. David Sack points out inPsychology Today, one person’s addiction can threaten their partner’s physical, emotional, and financial health as well as their professional life. At the same time, it also makes us extremely sad to watch people we love treat themselves so poorly.
But, in fact, they actually prevent their loved one from getting clean. While it may seem inconsequential to do these things, they actually promote drug use. If you provide a safety net for the addict you love, they’re not going to stop using because they know you’ll catch them when they fall. In aHuffington Postarticle entitled“What You Learn From loving an addict,”writer Alicia Cook discusses her experience with addict relationships. She points out, rightly so, that it’s easy to become overwhelmed in your effort to fix them.